15 Feb How to Date Your Spouse in Marriage
Happy Friday!
Today we’re going to have a bit of a serious talk. The dating talk. Just kidding, I just want to chat with you about why Alex and I think it’s so important to date your spouse! You know how people always say that after a few years the spark fades and they don’t get butterflies anymore? Yeah, I think that’s BS. What really happens is people stop LOVING each other. And by that I mean they stop doing things like writing cute notes, going on dates, and just sitting down and really talking to each other. Love is so much more than a feeling, it takes hard work and intention.
That’s why to kick off our new year, Alex and I brainstormed some ideas of how you can date your spouse no matter how long you’ve been married! One of the best ways to pursue your spouse is to learn their love language. Yes that’s a thing. It’s easy to take a quiz online and you could even make a date out of it and take it together! Alex and I thought up a few ways you can show your partner some love for each love language:
– Do a household chore for them
– Take the dog out
– Get the groceries
– Make the bed
– Help them without being asked
Words of Affirmation
– Write a love note
– Say thank you
– Tell them WHY you love them
– Compliment them on something other than their appearance
– Tell others why you appreciate them
Gift Giving
– Surprise them with coffee or a treat after a rough day (or any day!)
– Buy them something just because it made you think of them
– Thoughtful/personal gifts
– Remember their birthday/anniversary!
Physical Affection
– Hold their hand
– All the PDA (but let’s try and keep it PG ok?)
– Kiss them goodnight
– Make time to snuggle
Quality Time
– Weekly date nights
– Plan a surprise date
– Have intentional conversations- that means no cell phones!
– Make time to wind down together at night
Sometimes you may really want to do something to show your spouse that you care, but you have no idea how. A fun idea one couple shared with us is to make “jars of love.” We wrote things that would make us feel loved on popsicle sticks and stuck them in mason jars- one for each of us! Just pick an idea from your partner’s jar and do it during the week to show your love! It’s a great way to do something nice for your spouse that you know they will appreciate.
Alex and I also plan to have a date night every Friday. It’s so important to designate a specific day because that way you are both planning for it and you can never just say “oh we’ll have a date sometime this week,” and then it never happens…. It gives us both something to look forward to at the end of a long week too!
Most of our dating relationship was long distance, so we quickly realized how important it was to be intentional with one another- and that doesn’t change in marriage either! Every Sunday after church we sit down and just chat about life. Usually we talk about the sermon and then anything else that’s on our mind- things we’re struggling with, something we need help with, or any issues we may be having. I’m so glad we started doing this because it gives us a weekly check-in to see how we’re doing. Sometimes just asking “how are you doing” isn’t enough to really get deep. This way we have a time to talk about anything that’s been on our hearts lately. We keep it casual, there’s no exam we have to pass and it’s not a weekly report card. Just me and my best friend talking about life!
With all of that being said, the most important thing to remember is never stop getting to know your spouse. Remember those first few dates when you would ask random questions like “if you could travel to any time period when would it be?” Or” what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?” You may think you’ve covered everything, but keep asking those questions! Try new things together, explore, take time getting to know the complex and beautiful person God made for you. They are your partner for life after all.